I Will Never Drink Wine Again...

July 22, 2019

  That is truly exaggerating because following this incident I did drink wine...and a lot because my nerves needed it.

   It all began as a normal Monday...well it wasn't really normal because I don't usually drink wine when I get home from work on Mondays. I wait at least until Wednesday.   This Monday however I had already had a long day at work and  I had just finished loading up my mini van full of items that had been sitting around my house waiting to go to the thrift store for weeks. I was tired of stumbling over them and pushing them around so I just filled my van and took off.

    I got back home, happy with myself that I had finally quit putting off that job and grabbed my phone, dialed my mom and walked into the semi darkness of my dining room to pour myself some wine.  As I talked with mom about my day, I grabbed a stemless glass from the dry sink that had been sitting out in the open for several weeks. I thought I maybe should have rinsed it out since our house is a dust magnet but I was so tired I didn't care about a little dust in my glass.  I swear I could hear the opening notes of the Jaws movie theme begin in my head at that moment and a little voice in my head say...hey those glasses sitting there are for decoration, not to actually use without washing.  But lately with a grand baby around I had begun to get a little overly conscientious  of dust and dirt everywhere to the point my daughter was pleading with me that it was healthy for kids to ingest a 'little' dust and dirt throughout their lives. In other words I was driving her nuts with, "don't put her down yet I haven't dusted and wet mopped the floor yet!" 

  So I told myself as I poured wine in the semi darkness, stop worrying about some dust and enjoy the wine.  I walked around the house getting things ready for supper, sipping wine and winding up my conversation with my mom.  I put down the phone and  as I took one more sip before I began supper preparations I felt something lumpy in my mouth.  Yuck, there really must have been a dustball in that glass. Just as I spit the mouthful of wine into the sink my husband walked in the door and heard me scream.

    The lumpy thing in my mouth hadn't been dust. It was a spider and there it was in the sink. And it wasn't one of those little bitty spiders either!! It was big!!!!  I have a witness!!

   I screamed and screamed, kind of like Lucy did when she met Snoopy's lips while bobbing for apples, but this was worse. I had had a spider in my mouth; my mouth!!!! Was I going to die? Did it bite me?  Quickly I tried to figure out if it had bitten my tongue or cheek and in a panic asked my husband what to do.  "Take a swig of whisky!"  He told me and I grabbed his bottle of whisky and swigged right out of the bottle swishing it around in my mouth then spit it out into the sink too.

  Still screaming I told him, "I can't believe I drank a spider!  Ack!"

  He tried to calm me down but knew better than to pat me on the shoulder and tell me it would be okay. He just listened without laughing until I had finally calmed down enough to stop screaming and was just shuddering from the grossosity of it all. A spider had been in my wine glass! A spider! What the heck was it doing in there? 

   I started supper preparations again and was able to get through without any more screaming at the horribleness.  But even now I shudder when I remember the feeling in my mouth.  My son laughed at me and told me it would have been extra protein. I don't think so. My husband assured me it was most likely dead when it fell into the glass.. or would have drowned when I poured in the wine.  Other family members were aghast that I didn't see the stupid thing in there while taking four or five sips before almost ingesting it.  I don't understand that either. I was tired, but I wasn't comatose!!

  For now, I've switched brands of wine because the taste of my favorite wine in the whole world was totally ruined by that stupid spider!  And I am drinking wine again...but carefully...very carefully...

 

 

 

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